A New Fear Will Soon Be Born Parody Script

I've been writing a Fear blog titled A New Fear Will Soon Be Born, found here. It's been going for about a month, and to celebrate it's mild success, I've decided to parodize the ever-loving crap out of it. I've already made parody scripts out of Kingdom Hearts and Shadow Hearts From The New World, so I figured I might as well make a satire of my own creation.

This is episode 1;

Malkator; Hello, I'm Benjamin Malkator. Up 'til now, I've been going by Martyr Epsilon because this old guy with magic eldritch powers erased my memories and made me into one of his servants. Some time ago, I learned my real name, and now I am very curios as to-

Collector Tsu; Who are talking to?

Malkator; I'm talking to the audience.

Collector Tsu; What?

Malkator; Bugger off!

Collector Tsu; Okay, fine.

Malkator; Now to go see if anyone can help me find some answers about my identity.

one hour later

Malkator; I'm bored! I guess I'll just break into my masters realm and steal back the book containing my lost memories. But first, I'm gonna go steal a magical eldritch knife just for the hell of it.

later that night

Martyr Delta; Epsilon! What have you done!?

Malkator; I have betrayed the Archive and stolen back my lost childhood. Why do you ask?

Martyr Delta; You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the traitors, not join them. You were to bring balance to the farce, not leave it in darkness.

Malkator; I hate you!

Martyr Delta; You were my brother, Epsilon! I loved you!

Malkator; Enough! I will now kill you using this magical eldritch knife!

Martyr Delta; You mean this magical eldritch knife?

Malkator; Yes, that magical eldritch- wait a minute. When and how did you get that from me?

Martyr Delta; I don't know.

Martyr Delta slices Malkator open.

Martyr Delta; Well, he's dead. Guess I'll go get drunk and visit the local strip club.

Malkator then stands up and the wound on his torso morphs into a giant mouth

Malkator; Huh, that's interesting.

Martyr Delta; Gah! What the f@&K!? Why are you still alive? And why do you have a giant mouth on your chest?

Malkator; If you think that's weird, I can see your f@&king destiny.

Martyr Delta; Really? Tell me, do I get laid any time soon?

Malkator; Actually, you're gonna die in five minutes.

Martyr Delta; Damn it.

six minutes later

Martyr Delta; Why did you save me?

Malkator; Bugger if I know. Later.

Martyr Delta; Hey, get back here! Ugh, the Alpha's gonna be pissed when he here's about this.

Later

Malkator; This is incredible. I have super vision, a giant torso mouth, and I can teleport! What will I do with these amazing gifts?

Spider Man; With great power come great res-

Malkator; Sod off, ya' bloody wanker! I'm gonna go abuse the crap out of my powers!




Well, that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed.