Episode 6; Shakespearean Colosseum
Oogie; Hey Hades, wanna get drunk?
Hades; The last time I got drunk with you, you poured booze on my head and the entire room caught on fire.
Hook; Have you ever considered AA?
Oogie; But I don't need batteries.
Hades; This is embarrassing. I can't believe I know you.
Acelegin; Let the episode begin!
Sora; What's this world supposed to be?
Donald; I think it's a Colosseum.
Sora; Well, let's go inside and see if we can fight things!
They enter and see Phil hanging up a posterSora; Hey, what's up?
Phil; Go move that large piece of stone over there. I've gotta get this place ready for the games.
Sora; Okay, strange creature!
Sora tries to move itSora; It won't budge!
Phil; Whadaya mean it won't budge? (turns around) Oh! I thought you were someone else.
Sora; Can we enter the games?
Phil; No.
Goofy; Gwarsh. Why not?
Phil; Because you're not heroes.
Donald; Yes we are! Sora was chosen by the Keyblade!
Phil; Sorry, but I ain't lettin' you in the games. But I will teach Sora the thunder spell. Maybe if you practice it you might become stronger.
Sora; Kay thanks.
They exit and run into HadesHades; That old goat giving you a hard time? Well, maybe this fake ID can get you into the games.
Sora; But I already have a fake ID.
Hades; Well maybe this Hero Pass will help.
Sora; But I already have a Hero Pass.
Hades; Then why didn't you use it to enter the games?
Sora; .....Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, so that's what it's for.
Voice; Light bulb finally came on.
Hades; Whatever, I'm leaving.
Sora; I think that guy was a pedophile.
Donald; You think everyone's a pedophile.
They enter the Colosseum and give Phil the Hero Pass.Phil; Okay you can enter the games. The Preliminary rounds start soon.
Several fights later.Sora; Who's that guy?
Phil; That's cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7, Who is for some reason wearing Vincent Valentines clothes. He's a tough opponent and you'll hafta face him soon.
meanwhileHades; I want you to kill the Keyblade kid.
Cloud; Why?
Hades; Do you want my help or not?
Cloud; But the contract only says to kill Hercules.
Hades; I'll throw in a phoenix down.
Cloud; Oh boy! I LOVE phoenix downs!
Hades; Then go kill them.
LaterCloud; Let's fight so I can have my phoenix down!
Sora; You do realize that down is the light, fluffy feathers near a birds butt, right?
Cloud; That's why I love them so much!
Sora; weirdo.
They fight and Sora wins. Then Cerberus comes and steps on Cloud.Cerberus; Thryce to mine and thryce to thine, and thryce again to make up nine!
Sora; Oh my god! It's quoting the witches from Macbeth! Run!
Hercules comes and starts fighting Cerberus while Sora and friends run awaySora; That was intense, but we need to go back and help!
Phil; Are you insane?
Sora; Yes!
Sora and friends run back into the Colosseum to see Hercules backed into a corner with Cloud on his shoulderCerberus; By the tingling in my thumbs, Something awesome this way comes!
Cerberus turns to see Sora, and Hercules runs away.Sora; You're not the only one who can quote Shakespeare! Goodnight! Goodnight! Parting is such sweet sorrow! But I shall say goodnight, 'til it be morrow!
Voice; That quote doesn't work here.
Sora; Alas poor Yorick! I knew him well!
Voice; Neither does that one.
Sora; Here's a knocking indeed!
Voice; Just... stop.
They defeat Cerberus
Phil; I hereby dub thee junior heroes!
Donald; Junior?
Phil; You rookies don't know what it takes to be true heroes.
Goofy; I know that some sea anemones can detach themselves from the ocean floor to escape predators.
Phil; O...kay...
meanwhileCerberus; I saw a lady with chestnuts in her lap, and she mounched, and she mounched, and she mounched. Give me some, I quothed. And the romp-fed ronion said "Aroit thee, foul, three headed dog", So I-
Hades; Shut up! Shutupshutupshutup! You are so annoying!
Cerberus; Our apologies, Hecate!
Hades; My name is Hades, you idiots! I should've gotten a three headed cat instead!
Acelegin; To be continued
Episode 7; Monkey Noises
Sora; So, Cloud, why were you working for Hades?
Cloud; He said he could help me find what I was looking for.
Sora; Well, you shouldn't trust a guy with fiery hair. Anyway, don't give up, cause I'm looking for something too.
Cloud; For your light? Don't lose sight of it. Oh, here, have this.
Sora; What's this?
Cloud; It's an ability.
Sora; You handed me an ability?
Cloud; I'm confused too.
Acelegin; Now, without further adieu let's get on with the episode.
Sora; Hey look, there's a new world. It looks like a jungle.
Donald; There's no way the king would go to a backwater world like that.
Sora; Oh yeah, we'll check out Wonderland but we won't go to the jungle. Give me the controls!
Donald; No!
Sora; Oh come on! I'm the key blade guy!
Donald; What does that have to do with anything?
Donald and Sora wrestle over the controls and end up crashing the gummi ship. Sora wakes up in a tree house.Sora; Whoa, I need to lay off the shrooms.
A jaguar attacks Sora,. Sora fights it, and is saved by a tall, tan, muscular man in a loinclothSora; Thank you, large dude. Can you help me find my friends, Do- (Sora remembers his fight with Donald) Never mind them, can you help me find my friends Riku and Kairi?
Tarzan; (insert ape noises here)
Sora; Okay. Sprechen Sie Deutsch ?
Tarzan; (repeats ape noises)
Sora; Okay, doesn't speak German either. Can. You. Take. Me. To. People?
Tarzan leads Sora to the camp. Meanwhile....
Donald and Goofy wake up and see a Gorilla, which they end up scaring off. As it runs away, it drops something.Goofy; Did it just poop?
Donald; No, it's a gummi block.
Goofy; A recycled gummi block?
Donald; .....No.
They hear a noise and turn to see Clayton entering the clearing. Meanwhile....Sora; Oh look, a camp.
Jane; Hello, Who might you be?
Sora; I'm Sora, and I came to this world on my gummi ship, Dinkyflrag, and I'm looking for my friends, Riku and Kairi.
Jane; Well, maybe Tarzan can help you.
Clayton returns with Donald and Goofy.Sora; Oh, hey guys.
Donald; I'm still mad at you!
Sora; Ditto.
Goofy; Look, we found a gummi block. That means that there's a small, minuscule chance that the king's here.
Sora; Then maybe Riku and Kairi are here too! Let's go explore!
Later, Tarzan brings them to see the gorillas.Tarzan; Kerchak! (speaks monkey)
Kerchak; (also speaks monkey)
Tarzan; (asks a question in monkey)
Kerchak; (replies in monkey)
Tarzan; (yells in monkey)
Kerchak; (yells back in monkey)
Tarzan; (apologizes in monkey)
Kerchak leavesSora; Did anyone understand that?
Donald; I don't even want to know what just went on.
seventeen and a half hours later....Donald; Clayton! did you just try to shoot a monkey!
Clayton; no.
Sora; Yes you did, I saw you!
Clayton; I was saving it from a snake!
Jane; You're fired!
Clayton; D'oh!
Clayton leaves, and then they all hear a gunshot.Sora; What's going on!?
Goofy; Oh no, Heartless!
Donald; We have to find out what's going on!
Several hours later....Sora; Clayton! why are you still hunting the gorillas? And why are the heartless with you?
Tarzan; Not Clayton!
Sora; Let's kick his a**!
They fight Clayton, who mounts and invisible lizard and tries to beat them, but they defeat him and the lizard falls on top of him and dies.Sora; I think that guy was a pedophile.
Voice; I don't know, but he was definitely ugly enough to be one.
Kerchak comes and throws Sora and friends to the top of the cliff.Sora; Ouch! Well, let's explore some more.
They reach the keyhole, which Sora seals up. Then they find a gummi piece and leave.Donald; Well, that world was kinda fun.
Sora; Yeah, I hope we get to go back in later games.
Voice; Don't count on it.
meanwhile, thousands of miles away....Maleficent; That hunter was pathetic. But Sora can go ahead and seal his keyholes. Once I have all the princesses, He won't be able to do anything to stop me! Mwahahahahahaha!
Alice; Please don't rape me!
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away....
Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion are getting highLarxene; (walking into room) What's that smell?
Vexen; Sh&@! (hides weed) Nothing!
Larxene; Really, cause it smells like-
Lexaeus; You are mistaken!
Larxene; Are you smoking pot in here?
Zexion; Please don't tell Master Mansex! I mean Xemnas!
Vexen; Hehe.
Lexeaus; Nice one dude.
Larxene; O....kaaaaaaaaaaay.....
Acelegin; That's it for now, have fun touching yourselves!
Episode 8; Shipping and Candy
Jiminy; Hey Sora, something just occurred to me.
Sora; Get back in my hood, Jiminy.
Jiminy; How come in the last episode when you met Jane, you didn't say anything stupidly perverted before immediately taking it back the moment she heard you like you usually do when you see a cute girl?
Sora; Wait, that was a girl?
Jiminy; You didn't know that?
Sora; I must have been too stoned to notice.
Jiminy; I'm confiscating all your shrooms!
Sora; D'oh!
Acelegin; On to the episode!
Sora; We're back in Traverse Town! For some reason!
Cid; Can you do me a favor and deliver this book to this place in the third district.
Sora; 'Kay, sure.
So they go to the house in the underground lake and Sora thinks he see's Kairi.Sora; Kairi! It's you!
Donald; She's not there.
Sora; F&@k!
Merlin; Hello, I'm Merlin. The king told me to meet you here so I can help you with your magic.
Sora; Cool! By the way, here's a book.
Merlin; Thank you! There still seem to be some pages missing, but let's worry about that later. Allow me to introduce the Fairy God Mother.
Fairy God Mother; Hi, have you seen Cinderella anywhere?
Sora; No. I'm gonna go find Squall, see you later.
Later, Sora goes to talk to Cid.Sora; Hey Cid, do you know what this Gummi block is?
Cid; That's a Navigation Gummi. I'll go install it for you. Later.
Aerith; If your're looking for Leon, He's in the sewer.
Sora; Why?
Aerith; He goes there to train sometimes.
Sora; But isn't it smelly down there?
Aerith; Yes.
LaterSora; Hey Squall, I have a question. We sealed up some weird looking keyhole things, and I was wondering if you could explain what the were.
Leon; First of all, call me Leon. Second of all, all worlds have a keyhole that leads to the heart of the world. The Heartless want those hearts, so they look for the keyholes. You need to seal the keyholes with your keyblade so they can't do that.
Sora; Mkay.
Leon; Here, I found this rock earlier, give it to the Fairy God Mother.
Sora; Maybe later.
Later, in the accessory shopJiminy; Pinocchio, is that you?
Sora; Get back in my hood!
Pinocchio; Hi Jiminy!
Jiminy; Were you trying to steal?
Pinocchio; No. (his nose grows)
Sora; Why'd his nose grow?
Jiminy; It does that when he lies.
Sora; I wish my d*ck could do that.
Voice; I just got a disturbing mental image.
later, in the third districtRiku; Hi Sora.
Sora; Riku! Where've you been.
Riku; Getting laid. Have you seen Kairi?
Sora; I thought she was with you.
Riku; Huh, this sucks.
a heartless appears and Sora kills itRiku; What kind of sword is that?
Sora; It's a keyblade.
Riku; I see. So this is a keyblade.
Sora; How'd you get my keyblade?
Riku; Here, have it back.
Sora; Thanks. Wait, where'd he go?
laterFairy God Mother; The stone you have is actually a summon. You see, his world was destroyed, but he had such a strong heart that he became a summon stone instead of dying.
Sora; Kay thanx.
Even laterLeon; Sora, this world has a keyhole too. You need to ring the bell in the second district three times to reveal the keyhole.
Sora; But if I reveal the keyhole, then the heartless can get to it.
Leon; What if I told you there was candy in the bell, and you have to ring three times to get it.
Sora; Oh boy! Candy!
meanwhile, Maleficent and Riku are watching them through the window.Maleficent; See? He's made new friends and forgotten all about you.
Riku; I just saw him five minutes ago, and he seemed to remember me just fine.
Maleficent; Whatever. Join me!
Riku; Can I find the bell and the candy first?
Maleficent; There's candy in my windowless white van.
Riku; Oh boy! Candy!
Acelegin; Seriously.
later, after ringing the bell, Sora goes to the keyhole but encounters the giant armor heartless. after fighting it for a while, it turns upside down.Sora; Really? It tuned upside down? This game is ridiculous!
They kill it and seal the keyholeAerith; Good job guys!
Yuffie; You did great!
Cid; By the way, I fixed up your ship so it can warp to worlds you've already been to. That way you don't have to do the annoying mini-game every time.
Sora; Great. By the way, Leon, I have a bone to pick with you.
Leon; What?
Sora; You lied about the candy! Prepare to die!
meanwhile, thousands of miles awayLarxene; Hi Zexion.
Zexion; what's up?
Larxene; I just wanted to let you know that I think you're pretty cute.
Zexion; Really?
Larxene; Oh yeah....
an hour and a half laterZexion; Wow, Lexeaus was right! Sex is awesome!
Larxene; Ready for round two?
Zexion; There's a round two!? Sweet!
Acelegin; Dammit, that was a long episode. I need a break. later.
Episode 9; I Think I'm Pregnant...
Acelegin; previously, on the Kingdom Hearts Parody Script....
Donald; We only have 60 seconds to diffuse the bomb!
Larxene; Zexion, I think I'm pregnant. And you're the father.
Vexen; Oh My F&@king God!
Lexeaus; Holy Sh&@ dude!
Goofy; Go Fa-hyuck yourselves!
Goofy's Fanbase; Yay!!!
Sora; Shut up, fanbase!
Namine; Roxas, I think I'm pregnant. And you're the father.
Roxas; Do either of us even exist yet?
Voice; Sora, Acelegin never told you what happened to your father, did he?
Sora; He told me enough! He told me YOU killed him!
Voice; No, Sora. I AM your father!
Sora; That doesn't make any sense!
Voice; Search your mushrooms, you know it to be true!
Sora; It still doesn't make any sense!
Maleficent; Soon, the world will be mine! Mwahahahahahaha!
Riku; Where's the candy you promised me?
Maleficent; Shut up, Riku!
Voice; Acelegin, I think I'm pregnant, and you're the father!
Acelegin; That doesn't make any sense!
Voice; Search your mushrooms, you know it to be true!
Acelegin; But I don't have mushrooms!
Axel; Got it memorized?
Marluxia; Stop saying that.
Mathaxsan; Xemmy, I think I'm pregnant, and You're the father!
Xemnas; Yes! Awesome!
Sa'i'x; Xemnas, why are you talking to a cardboard cutout of Mathaxsan?
Xemnas; Shut up!
Acelegin; And now, for the thrilling conclusion. ...Kind of.
Sora; This world is hot. Where are we?
Donald; I think it's called "Agrabah"
Sora; Well, let's go wander around aimlessy for a while.
meanwhile...Maleficent; Have you found the keyhole yet?
Jafar; No.
Maleficent; Well, find it, or I'm cancelling our date!
Jafar; But I love you!
Maleficent; You are disturbing as hell.
MeanwhileJasmine; Hey you, can you help me?
Sora; Oh god! It's an Arabian princess! Awesome!
Jasmine; what?
Sora; Nothing.
Jasmine; I need you to find Aladdin so he can stop Jafar.
Sora; Who's Jafar?
Jasmine; He's an evil sorcerer who wants to destroy the world!
Sora; So he's Muslim... and he wants to destroy the world... sounds like... a... TERRORIST!!!!!!!
Voice; AHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Donald; Sora, don't be racist.
Goofy; Let's go find Aladdin
laterSora; look, quicksand!
Donald; I think that's Aladdin who's trapped in it!
Goofy; Gwarsh, and he's surrounded by Heartless!
they save himSora; I don't we can stop all these heartless by ourselves!
Aladdin; (rubs lamp) Genie, save us!
Sora; Wow, a genie! Do you give Aladdin three wishes?
Genie; Yep, but he only has two left right now.
Sora; listen, Al, we gots ta go save Jasmine!
Aladdin; Jasmine in trouble? We has ta do something!
laterSora; So Genie, what's it like being in a lamp all day?
Genie; It sucks. Hey Al, you wanna use your last wish to set me free?
Aladdin; No.
Genie; Please?
Aladdin; Okay, since you asked nicely...
Genie; Yay!
Jafar; You're too late, I already kidnapped her!
Aladdin; Genie, I wish for you to save her!
Genie; Okay (saves Jasmine)
Jafar; Ha! Iago the parrot stole the lamp while you weren't looking! Now I am the Genies master!
Sora; F&@K!
Genie drops Jasmine into a jar, which grows legs and combines with other jars to form a centipede thingAladdin; We hafta save her!
4 seconds laterSora; Well that was easy. Glad I'm playing on beginner's mode.
Aladdin; But where's Jasmine?
Sora; Maybe she's in the Cave of Wonders!
Aladdin; Why do you think that?
Sora; I don't know!
meanwhile, in the cave of wondersJafar; I wish for you to show me the keyhole
Genie; Alright, you massive prick...
The keyhole appears on the wallJafar; Alas! I have found it! Now Maleficent will put out! Finally!
Genie; Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Sora; We're here to save to save the day! Like Batman!
Jafar; I wish for you to stop them!
One boss fight later...Sora; prepare to die Terrorist!
Jafar; I wish I was a genie!
the floor disappears and Jafar becomes a Genie.Jafar; Yes! This power is amazing! Orgasmic! I- wait? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jafar is sucked into the lampSora; Well that didn't last long.
meanwhile, up aboveJasmine; Who are you?
Riku; I'm gonna touch your boobs!
Jasmine; No! Help!!!
Sora and friends climb out of the holeAladdin; Where's Jasmine?
Sora; No clue. I'ma lock the keyhole now, 'kay?
laterGenie; You still have one wish left. You can wish her back.
Aladdin; I wish you were free, Genie.
one awesome transformation sequence laterGenie; Why did you do that?
Aladdin; Because this game is easy enough without me wishing for everything to get done. Sora needs a challenge. Right, Sora?
Sora; Umm, I mean, I wouldn't mind just a little help.
Aladdin; Fine, Genie, can you go with him as a summon?
Genie; Okay.
Donald; But we can't do that, It's against the rules!
Sora; Screw the rules, I have munny!
meanwhile, thousands of miles away...Yugi; OH MY GOD!!!
Tea; What is it?
Duke; Why'd you wake me up!?
Yugi; You're never going believe what this Acelegin guy just did!
Kaiba; What? What did he do that's so important?
Mokuba; Tell us!
Yugi; He just shamelessy stole from LittleKuriboh!
Joey; BROOKLYN RAGE!
Tristan; Let's break his neck!!
meanwhile, thousands of miles away...Acelegin; GAH! MY NECK!
Episode 10; Purple Manta Ray Steak
Demyx; Hey guys, we're back!
Zexion; Where've you two been?
Luxord; Vegas.
Xaldin; So how'd it go?
Demyx; Well, we met this guy who looked like he was made from a burlap sack, who kept doing shots and talking about how awesome his boss Maleforfent, or whatever it was, is.
Luxord; He spilled his drink all over my cards.
Demyx; The aftermath of that occurrence was frightening.
Acelegin; On to the script.
Donald; Hey Sora, what are you reading.
Sora; The Ansem report we found in Agrabah.
Donald; What's an "Ansem Report"?
Sora; You remember, don't you? Leon told us all about them in episode 4.
Goofy; Gwarsh, I don't remember that.
Sora; Oh yeah, maybe that's because Acelegin COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT!!!
Acelegin; Hey, I had a lot to cover in that episode, so you don't get to complain!
Donald; Not to mention episode 8 was completely out of order!
Acelegin; You stay out of this Donald!
Goofy; Go Fa-hyuck yourself!
Goofy's fanbase; Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
Acelegin; Shut up, fanbase! That joke died six episodes ago!
Sora; You can go get bent!
Acelegin; Just for that, I'm gonna summon a giant whale to eat your gummi ship!
Jiminy; Nooo! It's Monstro! We're F&@ked!
laterSora; Hey, we're still alive!
Goofy; Yeah, but somethings throwing stuff at us.
Donald; Stop that!
Pinocchio; Oh, hi guys!
Sora; Who's that!
Jiminy; It's Pinocchio! You met him in episode 8, remember?
Sora; I willfully block out all of my memories where you get screen time.
Jiminy; That's kind of mean.
Goofy; Where'd Pinocchio go?
Sora; Let's follow him!
Jiminy; Okay!
Sora; And steal his lunch money!
Jiminy; Wait, what?
shortly afterward (I got tired of saying "later" all the time)Pinocchio; Look dad, I found this thing that can help us escape!
Gepetto; It can?
Donald; Yes, it can! It's a gummi block.
Sora; Speaking of which, is Dinkyflrag okay?
Donald; What?
Sora; You know. Dinkyflrag. Our gummi ship.
Donald; Why are you calling it that?
Sora; Because I won the race with Riku.
Donald; So you think that gives you the right to rename my gummi ship?
Sora; Well, what do you call it?
Donald; Kingdom!
Sora; That's lame. How about, Pina Collider!
Donald; That'll never do. I'm thinking, Duck Rocket!
Sora; Caledfwlch!
Donald; Awesome 2000
Sora; The Twerple Express!
5 hours laterSora; Sh&@, I'm running out of ideas here. How about, The Sticky Ship?
Donald; Eh, good enough I guess.
Gepetto; Wait, where's Pinocchio?
Goofy; He must have run off while you two were deciding the name!
Jiminy; We hafta go find him!
Sora; But I don't want to.
Jiminy; I'll let you have your shrooms back.
Sora; Deal!
shortly afterwardSora; Pinocchio, What are you doing! This isn't the time for games!
Riku; But I thought you liked games? Or are you too cool for them now that You have the keyblade?
Sora; I've always been insanely awesome, even without the keyblade!
Riku; I'm gonna go play with the puppet.
Sora; Wait, get back here!
They get attacked by a heartless that eats pinocchioSora; We need to save him!
Riku; Okay! (summons Soul Eater) Let's do this!
Sora; Where'd you get that bad ass sword?
Riku; I won it in a poker game with Oogie Boogie.
Sora; That's awesome!
Riku; Wanna trade?
Sora; Hells to the no!
Pinocchio; A little help please!
Sora; Oh right, I forgot.
They beat the heartless, which drops Pinocchio down a hole then runs away. Riku jumps down the hole after Pinocchio.Jiminy; We need to go after them!
Sora; F&@k that, I'm not jumping down a giant hole!
Jiminy; What if I said there was candy in the hole?
Sora; I'm not falling for that trick again.
Jiminy; Hey Sora, Guess what?
Sora; Wha-
Jiminy; PUSH!
Sora; Gah! Oh look, where back at Gepetto's place!
Riku; I'm stealing the puppet for some reason!
Sora; I'm getting sick of running around inside a whales bowels. Can we just leave?
Jiminy; Do you want me to take your shrooms away again!?
Sora; You can't do that if I eat them all!
4 seconds laterSora; Wee! I feel mmmmmmmagical! Let's go play with Riku!
Donald; Wow. Just... wow.
Goofy; At least he going after Riku now.
Riku; This puppet might be able to help me help someone whose lost there heart.
Sora; I am not fat!
Riku; Bwah!?
Sora; You will pay for your insolence!
Riku; Have you been doing shrooms again?
Sora; Let's dance, meatcycle!
The heartless comes back and Riku exits through a magically shadow portalSora; All right, fugly! You're going straight to the under pants!
The kill itJiminy; Are you okay Pinocchio?
Pinocchi; Yes.
Monstro sneezes and they get spit back outDonald; Wait, how'd we get back in the Sticky Ship?
Goofy; I don't know, but I sure hope Gepetto and Pinocchio are alright.
Sora; I will awesome your awesome with my awesome and it will be awesome!
Jiminy; Are you okay Sora?
Sora; Liopluerodons away!
well, that's all for now. Here's some Escape The Fate
