Living With Red Daniel Part 4; The Burglar

Outside Sal's bar

Red Daniel; You good?

Acelegin; Hell yeah. We got this.

Red Daniel; You sound confident.

Acelegin; Yeah, well, we've got three other guys signed on, so I think we've got good odds.

Red Daniel; So when do I get to meet these gentlemen?

Acelegin; Well, Dank Memes should be showing up pretty soon...

Red Daniel; Wait, the same Dank Memes from your let's plays?

Acelegin; Yep.

Red Daniel; So wait, is it the one from your Heartache 101 playthrough, or the one from your Dream Daddy playthrough.

Red Daniel suddenly lightens up ecstatically

Red Daniel; Oh God! Please tell me it's the one from your Doki Doki Literature Club playthrough!

Acelegin; Red, they're all the same character...

Red Daniel; But... that doesn't make any sense... the timelines don't add up...

Acelegin; Red, if I say something is canon, it's canon. Don't question it.

A man approaches Acelegin and Red Daniel. He has shoulder length brown hair, glasses, and is dressed in a button-up cat themed shirt and a dark jacket.

Acelegin; Oh, there you are. Dank, this is Red Daniel. Red, this is Dank Memes.

Dank Memes; Hey! I've heard a lot about you.

Red Daniel; Likewise. So, you up for this stakeout?

Dank Memes; Yeah. So who else is showing up?

Acelegin; Oh, don't worry, they'll be here soon. My only concern is whether I'll be able to cook enough spaghetti for everyone afterwards.

Red Daniel; Oh God, don't bring up- !!!

Ghost Papyrus; Did somebody say SPAGHETTI!!!

Red Daniel; Oh God Damn it...

Dank Memes; Um, is that who I think it is?

Acelegin; Yes. Papyrus from Undertale. As a ghost.

Dank Memes; I have so many questions...

Acelegin; Well, save them for later. What we should be focused on right now is the fact that with him on our side, this burglar wont's stand...

Acelegin winks and gives a thumbs up.

Acelegin; ...a ghost of a chance!

Red Daniel; No, don't use puns!

Ghost Sans; Did somebody say "puns"?

Red Daniel; GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!

Dank Memes; So would somebody mind explaining what the fuck is going on here?

Acelegin; Red completed a Genocide run a while back and now these two are haunting him.

Red Daniel; I just got rid of these guys last month! Why did you have to go and bring them back!

Acelegin; Dude, relax. A least this way, we've got an extra couple sets of eyes.

Ghost Papyrus; Extra eyes for what exactly?

Acelegin; Oh, someone's been stealing shit at Red's work, so we're staking he place out in case anyone suspicious comes by.

Ghost Sans points towards Sal's bar

Ghost Sans; Like that guy?

Everyone looks where Ghost Sans is pointing to see a man exiting the bar with a burlap sack in his hands. He is hunched over, glancing around rapidly. His eyes fall upon Red Daniel and he panics and takes off.

Red Daniel; Hey! Get back here, you fucker!

Red Daniel takes off after the burglar, while everyone else just stands around.

Dank Memes; Um... should we go...help him?

Acelegin; Nah, Red's got this.

Dank Memes; Oh. So... were we really needed here?

Acelegin; In hindsight, I guess not.

Ghost Papyrus; Well, it was still nice being here.

Ghost Papyrus turns his attention to Dank Memes.

Ghost Papyrus; So what's you're name, human!?

Dank Memes; I'm Dank Memes. I'm a dating sim protagonist.

Ghost Papyrus; Neat!

Acelegin; Alright, you guys chill out here. I know Red can handle the burglar himself, but I should still be there to make sure he doesn't go too far.

Several blocks away, the burglar finds himself cornered in an alleyway. He turns to see Red Daniel approaching him.

Burglar; Don't come any closer!

Red Daniel's eyes begin glowing scarlet as he continues to slowly move toward the burglar. The burglar draws a gun and aims it at Red Daniel.

Burglar; I mean it! I'll shoot!

Red Daniel scowls and continues walking.

Burglar; S-stop!

Red Daniel stops a few feet away, glaring angrily at the man.

Red Daniel; Go on. Try it.

The burglar quivers, clearly intimidated. He raises the gun shakily and pulls the trigger. The bullet hits Red Daniel in the chest, but Red Daniel's blood hardens, stopping it.

Burglar; W-what?

Red Daniel wipes some of the blood off of his shirt and examines it.

Red Daniel; You know, I really don't like being blamed for shit. So all that stuff you've been stealing? I'm gonna need you to hand it over.

The burglar fires his gun again, this time hitting Red Daniel in the forehead. Red Daniel's head snaps back for a moment, but he recovers almost immediately and glares back at the burglar.

Red Daniel; Wanna go for a third one?

The Burglar steps back, trembling.

Red Daniel; No? Then I'll take a shot.

The drops of blood on Red Daniel's hand suddenly swell up and crystalize into a large, jagged spear, which flies at the burglar, grazing his arm and causing him to drop his gun. The burglar drops to his knees, crying out in pain.

Red Daniel; Making me bleed was a poor decision. As was stealing from my coworkers.

The Burglar looks up at Red Daniel, glaring. He reaches into his bag and draws out a chunk of frozen meat. Red Daniel's eyes widen and stop glowing.

Red Daniel; Is that...?

The burglar rises to his feet.

Burglar; I have a pound of frozen venison!

The Burglar reels back, preparing to throw it.

Burglar; And I'm not afraid to-

Acelegin suddenly appears behind the Burglar, grabbing his arm.

Acelegin; Okay, no.

With a sudden jerk, Acelegin breaks the burglar's arm. The burglar cries out in agony.

Acelegin; You can steal jewelry, food, or whatever else. I don't give a shit. But you do not. Steal. My fucking catchphrases!

Acelegin snatches the bag from the burglar and knocks him over.

Acelegin; Catch.

Acelegin tosses the bag to Red Daniel. Red Daniel looks inside of it.

Red Daniel; Looks like everything's in here.

Acelegin; That's stupidly convenient.

The burglar gets to his feet and flees. Red Daniel glares at him as he runs past.

Acelegin; You just gonna let him go?

Red Daniel; I've made my point to him. He won't fuck with me again.

Acelegin; So who was that?

Red Daniel; James Trevor. I've carded him before. I'll let Sal know to ban him.

Acelegin; So why do you think he stole all this crap?

Red Daniel; I think he's jealous of Sal's success and wanted to fuck with him.

Acelegin; Right. Let's get home. I'm tired.

Red Daniel; Sure. I can give all this stuff back in the morning.

Later, in a different alleyway, James Trevor sits against a wall, nursing his broken arm.

James; Damn it! That son of a...

James forcibly sets his arm, wincing in pain.

James; BITCH!

A man enters the alleyway.

James; Who the fuck are you!?

The man smiles calmly. He appears to be in his late 20s, with short, dark hair and blue eyes.

Stranger; Gute nacht, Herr Trevor.

James draws his gun, aiming at the stranger.

James; How the fuck do you know my name!?

The stranger calmly raises his hands.

Stranger; Calm yourself, mein friend. I mean you no harm. The opposite, actually.

James; The fuck are you talking about?

Stranger; You've walked down a dark path and suffered. I can help you though. I can show you a brighter path.

James lowers his gun a bit.

James; What do you mean?

Stranger; Come with me, mein friend. I will get you the help you need, and give you a new purpose.

The stranger offers James his hand, smiling.

Stranger; Charity...

Hey guys! Thanks for reading!

So, what should Dank Memes do next? Should he...

A) Go shopping

B) Hang out with Ghost Sans and Ghost Papyrus

or

C) Learn to walk tightrope

Leave your answer in the comments! 

Living With Red Daniel Part 3.5; Intermission

Red Daniel; Yo! Ace! How's the recruitment doing? Got anyone to help us out yet?

Acelegin; Hm? Oh, right, the thing with your work.

Red Daniel; You feeling okay?

Acelegin; (dismissively) Yeah. I'm good.

Red Daniel; You sure? You seem kind of out of it?

Acelegin sighs

Acelegin; Saki's dead.

Red Daniel steps back, shocked

Red Daniel; What!? Are you sure?

Acelegin; The rigor mortis kind of gave it away.

Red Daniel; What happened to her?

Acelegin; I'm not sure exactly. Stress, probably. New home and all. I don't think she's been eating or drinking properly.

Red Daniel; I'm sorry, man.

Acelegin; Don't be. I'll be alright.

Red Daniel; Do you want me o postpone the stakeout? I'm sure Sal will understand.

Acelegin; No, don't worry about it. And I do have a character willing to help out, and I know how o get a couple more on our side.

Red Daniel; Well, that's good.

Acelegin; Next week, right?

Red Daniel; Right.

Acelegin; Cool. I'm gonna go on a beer run. You just chill here for a bit.

Acelegin walks over to the front door and opens it

Red Daniel; Hey...

Acelegin; What's up?

Red Daniel; I know grief. If you wanna talk about it...

Acelegin smiles back at Red Daniel

Acelegin; I told you. I'll be fine.

Red Daniel; Alright. Be safe, man.

Acelegin; I will.

Red Daniel; And get enough for me too!

Acelegin flips Red Daniel off on his way out the door

Acelegin; You work in a bar! Stop mooching off me for alcohol.

Acelegin closes the door behind him. Red Daniel smiles.

Red Daniel; Pff. Dick.

Living With Red Daniel 3; A Mystery?

Red Daniel; So, here's my pitch! You and I reenact Secret Of Kells, with me as Brendan and you as Brother Aidan! And Pounce could be Pangur-Ban!

Acelegin; Okay, we both know if you were cast as Brendan, you'd try to seduce Aisling.

Red Daniel; Well, she's a fairy whose implied to be hundreds of years old, so she's technically legal. Probably...

Acelegin; So who would the hedgehog play?

Red Daniel; Wait, what hedgehog?

Acelegin; Oh, right, I have a hedgehog now. I call her Saki.

Red Daniel; D'aaaaw! Can I see her?

Acelegin; Sure, just keep an eye on the cat. I don't need my pets eating each other...

Acelegin retrieves Saki and shows her to Red Daniel

Red Daniel; Aw! Can I hold her?

Acelegin; Are you gonna intentionally stab yourself on her quills?

Red Daniel; What? No! Of course not...

Acelegin stares blankly at Red Daniel

Red Daniel; Maybe...

Acelegin; I'm putting her back in her cage now.

Red Daniel; Okay, fine. I need to get to work anyway...

Acelegin; What time are you getting off?

Red Daniel; Oh, I get off around 2 a.m. most nights.

Acelegin; Oh, okay.

Red Daniel winks and gives a thumbs up

Red Daniel; And I'm not talking about my job!

Acelegin facepalms

Acelegin; God damn it, Red...

Red Daniel; You walked right into that one, dude. I'll be back sometime after midnight. Don't wait up!

Later, at Sal's bar

Red Daniel; Yo Sal! What do you need me doing tonight?

Sal; Go take inventory. I'll come up with something else for you to do once you're finished with that.

Red Daniel; Got it, dude!

Sal; Don't call me that.

Red Daniel goes to take inventory, while a female coworker approaches Sal.

Sal; Hello, Alyssa. Is something wrong?

Alyssa; Another of my necklaces went missing earlier. You haven't seen it, have you?

Sal sighs

Sal; Again with this? This is the third time for you. And your not even the only one losing stuff. Katie and Gerard have both complained about their property disappearing while they're busy.

Alyssa; Well, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but..

Sal; But?

Alyssa; (whispering) I think the new guy's at fault.

Sal; Red Daniel is a lot of things, but I don't think he's the guilty party here.

Alyssa; Then who else could it be!?

Sal; I don't know, but we're not getting anywhere by sitting around pointing fingers.

Red Daniel returns to the room

Red Daniel; Alright, I think I got everything!

Sal; Let me see.

Red Daniel hands Sal the checklist.

Sal; Hm... We're missing a few sandwich buns. We should also have more cases of beer than this. And we're missing an entire pound of frozen venison...

Alyssa glares at Red Daniel

Alyssa; Gee, who could the culprit here be?

Red Daniel; Hey! What's with the accusing tone!

Sal sighs

Sal; Alyssa has it in her head that you may be somehow involved in some recent disappearances around the workplace.

Red Daniel; What!? Are you kidding! I barely got this job! You think I'd risk losing it over some petty larceny?

Alyssa continues glaring at him

Red Daniel; Okay, okay. Tell you what. How about I prove my innocence by catching the real culprit?

Sal; That won't be necessary. Whoever's responsible will slip up eventually, and I'll take care of them myself.

Red Daniel; But I could get Ace's help! And Scooby Doo! He owes me a favor!

Sal; Scooby Doo is a fictional character...

Red Daniel; So are we.

Sal; Point taken.

Red Daniel; Please! I know we can pull it off if you just give us a chance!

Sal; Fine. But if you and the creator can't solve this by the end of the month, I want you to stand down and leave this all to me.

Red Daniel; Sure thing, boss!

Sal; And don't cause any trouble...

Red Daniel; No promises!

Sal; Whatever. In the meantime, the beds in rooms 3 and 8 need to be made. Get on that, will you?

Red Daniel; Yes sir!

Red Daniel heads upstairs

Alyssa; I don't see how you can trust him.

Sal; I know more about Red Daniel than you. We share a creator. As much of an asshole as he is, he's more trustworthy than you give him credit for.

Later, at Acelegin's apartment

Acelegin; So, someone's been stealing shit at your work?

Red Daniel; Yep.

Acelegin raises an eyebrow

Acelegin; And it wasn't you?

Red Daniel; Of course not! I don't steal things just for the hell of it!

Acelegin. Yes. Yes you do.

Red Daniel; Okay, fine! But if it was me, it would be way  more obvious!

Acelegin; That is true. You're not very subtle when it comes to burglary...

Red Daniel; So will you help me?

Acelegin; Okay, fine. We can stake the place out and see if we can find anything. As long as it doesn't interfere with my Winter-Een-Mas plans...

Red Daniel; And we can get Scooby Doo's help!

Acelegin; Not without the licensing rights, we can't. But I can get one or two of my other characters to lend a hand.

Red Daniel; Sound good! Let's shows this mystery who's boss!