Living With Red Daniel 2; The Christmas Special Or Something

Afternoon, on Christmas Eve

Acelegin; Okay Red, I'm going to my parent's place for the night. Hold down the fort for me, alright?

Red Daniel; Say hi to your nieces for me.

Acelegin; My nieces don't need to know that you exist...

Red Daniel; Fair enough.

Acelegin leaves. Red Daniel sits in silence for a few minutes.

Red Daniel; I'm bored...

Pounce; Meow!

Red Daniel; Oh, uh, hi there, cat.

Pounce; Meow!

Red Daniel; What? You hungry or something?

Pounce; Meow!

Red Daniel; And Ace gets mad at me for freeloading...

The doorbell rings

Red Daniel; Huh. Wonder who that is...

Red Daniel opens the door, but no one is there.

Red Daniel; Oh, yeah, real mature.

Red Daniel notices a small, brightly wrapped present lying on he ground.

Red Daniel; Who left this here?

Red Daniel picks up the present and checks he tag on it.

Red Daniel; For me? Oh, they shouldn't have!

Red Daniel squints at the tag some more.

Red Daniel; They left the "From" space blank. What are they, my secret admirer or something? Also, can't say I like the wrapping paper much. Too much green, not enough red.

Red Daniel sit down and tears off the wrapping paper, revealing a hardback novel inside.

Red Daniel; Hmm. "The War of Vices and Virtues" by Severin Albert. Who the fuck is Severin Albert?

Red Daniel pulls out his phone.

Red Daniel; OK Google, who the fuck is Severin Albert?

Phone; Showing results for "Reverend Albert".

Red Daniel; Well that's not helpful...

Red Daniel sighs and opens the book.

Red Daniel; Don't have anything better to do, I guess. Okay, chapter one, "The Birth of Chastity".

Pounce; Meow!

Pounce jumps into Red Daniel's lap and curls up.

Red Daniel; Oh, hey little guy. Care to join me?

Pounce; Meow!

Red Daniel; Okay, just try not to purr too much while your sitting there. Alright, then. "It was a clear day in June..."

Red Daniel continues reading for several chapters before dozing off. His slumber is suddenly interrupted shortly after midnight, and he jolts upright. Pounce is no longer in his lap, and the book lays off to his side. A tall, broad-shouldered figured, concealed beneath a cloak, crouches over him, its head almost touching the ceiling.

Red Daniel; Krampus! I knew you'd come for me someday!

The figures addresses Red Daniel, speaking in a low, scratchy growl.

Figure; Red Daniel! I am the Harbinger! The Prophet! The Divide! I stand before you tonight to tell you that a cruel fate is inevitable! The venomous serpent lies in plain sight, a crooked smile upon its face! You shall soon come to know true pain!

Red Daniel; Wait, what does any of that mean?

Without answering, the figure vanishes. The room grows quiet, and Pounce nervously crawls out from under the table.

Red Daniel; The fuck was that about?

Pounce; Meow!

Pounce jumps back into Red Daniel's lap, looking up at him. Red Daniel slowly scratches Pounce's ears, collecting his thoughts.

Red Daniel; True Pain, huh? Good thing I'm a Masochist...

Red Daniel leans his head back, breathing deeply.

Red Daniel; Still... What was that thing trying to warn me about? Was it even a warning, or... a threat?

Red Daniel remains seated for a while, before getting up.

Red Daniel; I need a drink...

The next day.

Acelegin; Yo! I'm back! How's the cat?

Red Daniel; Doin' fine. You enjoy your Christmas?

Acelegin; Been pretty good so far. You?

Red Daniel; Eh. Last night was pretty weird...

Acelegin; How so?

Red Daniel; OH, uh... Not sure if I wanna go into detail.

Acelegin; Alright, if it's you saying that, I don't think I wanna know the details.

Red Daniel; Right...

Acelegin; So where'd this book come from.

Red Daniel; What? Oh, right! That was a present for me, I guess.

Acelegin; Really? Who's it from? Someone from work?

Red Daniel; It was anonymous...

Acelegin; Ah, I see. What's it about?

Red Daniel; Pretty boring so far. There's this girl named Chastity living with her parents in an ambiguous time period. There's some subtly references to an upcoming conflict, but I haven't made it to the good shit yet.

Acelegin; Huh. So, any plans tonight?

Red Daniel; Dunno. Not on the schedule again til Wednesday, and I think I need a break from the book.

Acelegin; Well, tell ya what. My dad got me the Sega Genesis Classic Game Console. What do say we crack open a twelve pack or wo and fail horribly at some old school Sonic games.

Red Daniel grins.

Red Daniel; I'd like that.

Acelegin; Merry Christmas, Red.

Red Daniel; Merry Christmas, Ace.

Living With Red Daniel 1; The Job Hunt

Hey guys. Haven't been on this blog in a while. Wow. But I'm here now, because I had an idea for a new project. Just a goofy little thought that popped into my head.

5 years ago today, I killed off one of my most popular characters, Benjamin Malkator, by making him swallow an eldritch bomb and then throw himself off a building and explode. Because that's what my stories are like.

As homage to him, I'm now going to write about a completely different character. A character who has been a part of me for quite a while now. Ladies and Gentlemen and whatever other things you may or may not identify as, I present to you;

Living With Red Daniel

The scene opens in Acelegin's apartment.

Red Daniel; Ace! Ace! Listen, this is important!

Acelegin; (sips beer) Sup?

Red Daniel; I'm talking like, life or death, fate of the world important!

Acelegin; Go on...

Red Daniel; I need twenty dollars...

Acelegin takes a long, slow slurp of beer

Acelegin; No.

Red Daniel; But, fate of the world...

Acelegin; It's the 11th, correct?

Red Daniel; Um... Yes...

Acelegin; About time for you to renew your Crimson Queens subscription, yes?

Red Daniel; (stammering) Well... um.. that has nothing to do with... That's not why I'm...

Acelegin; I'm not giving you money for porn, Red.

Red Daniel; Then what will you give me money for!

Acelegin; I'm not giving you any more money, Red. If you want cash, go and earn it.

Red Daniel; But...

Acelegin; Get a job, Red.

Red Daniel; I had one, but those bastards fired me!

Acelegin; And why's that?

Red Daniel; (mumbling) Because the BS HR department...

Acelegin; What was that? I didn't quite catch that.

Red Daniel; Because apparently, leaning against the wall with my shirt unbuttoned and winking suggestively at coworkers counts as (airquotes) sexual harassment.(end airquotes)

Acelegin; Well, maybe avoid that from now on. But I mean it. You need to go earn your keep. You can't just keep freeloading here.

Red Daniel; Ugh, fine...

Later, at a gas station

Station Manager; Well, you seem to meet the qualifications. Welcome aboard, Mr. Ferris.

Red Daniel; Please, call me Red.

That night

Station Manager; Mr. Ferris! Did you drink all of these 12 packs of Keystone!?

Red Daniel; (slurring) You need to keep some fucking hiccup Coors in stock!

Station Manager; You're fired.

The next day, at a grocery store

Store Manager; Okay, Let's begin the interview.

Red Daniel; Sure thing, handsome!

Store Manager; All right, we'll begin with.. wait, what did you call me?

Red Daniel; N-nothing! I was just giving you a compliment.

Store Manager; Okay... Now then, have you had experience working in a grocery store before?

Red Daniel; Well, not personally, but a friend of mine worked as an after-hours clerk, and he told me pretty much everything I'd need to know and my god your eyes are pretty...

Store Manager; Okay, that's good, so- wait, what was that last part?

Red Daniel; It's just um... the lighting in here... Really brings out their color...

Store Manager; Um... moving on... what level of schooling do you have?

Red Daniel; Well, I was forced to drop out of High School due to some... unfortunate circumstances... But I've taken private lessons from some tutors so I have a pretty good grasp on most 12th grade level subjects...

Store Manager; Hmm... Okay...

Red Daniel; So are you seeing anyone right now, or...

Store Manager; Get out.

Even later, at a restaurant

Restaurant Manager; All right, Maggot! You've got tables out there that need service!

Red Daniel; This is a restaurant. Why are you speaking like a drill sergeant?

The Restaurant Manager thrusts a bunch of menus in Red Daniel's hands.

Restaurant Manager; You get out there and take their damn orders, Maggot!

Red Daniel; Okay, okay...

Red Daniel approaches a customer and offers her a menu.

Red Daniel; Hi there. Can I start you off with something to drink?

Customer; (angrily) What are you trying to say!? You think I'm an alcoholic or something!?

Red Daniel; Um, no, not at all! I could get you some soda if you'd pref-

Customer; Oh, so you think I'm a caffeine addict, is that it!?

Red Daniel; Well, we have water. Would that-

Customer; I demand to speak to your manager!

Later, in the Manager's office

Restaurant Manager; You've brought shame upon this establishment, Maggot! You turn in your apron right now!

Red Daniel; But you guys never gave me an apron...

Restaurant Manager; You're fired, Maggot!

Red Daniel; Damn it...

That night, at Sal's bar

Red Daniel; So yeah, that's what happened.

Sal; You really suck at holding down a job, don't you.

Red Daniel; Yeah. It's so stupid! And I still can't afford my stupid subscription...

Sal; Don't you have internet at Ace's place?

Red Daniel; Yeah, I can just look up whatever freaky shit I want, but there's just... something about the magazines. There so much more... physical... tangible... It's hard to explain...

Sal sighs

Sal; If it's that big a deal to you, then here...

Sal sets a magazine down in front of Red Daniel

Red Daniel; (gasps) Is this...

Sal; Crimson Queens. This is the latest issue, right?

Red Daniel; Yeah! But how did you...?

Sal; Found it in the bathrooms. Some of the pages are stuck together, though...

Red Daniel; Even better!

Sal; You are a deeply disturbing man...

Red Daniel; Still though... Ace won't be happy with my Job progress so far.

Red Daniel sighs, and gets up from his barstool

Red Daniel; I guess I'll just have to try again tomorrow. Thanks for listening, Sal.

Red Daniel turns and begins walking away

Sal; Hold on a second...

Red Daniel turns back to him

Red Daniel; What's up?

Sal tosses a mop to Red Daniel

Sal; That bathroom I mentioned earlier. It could use a good scrubbing.

Red Daniel's eyes light up

Red Daniel; Wait, does this mean...?

Sal; Don't make me regret this...

Red Daniel gives Sal an awkward salute, still holding the magazine and mop

Red Daniel; I'll make you proud, sir!

Sal; I highly doubt that...

To be continued

Probably...